Goodbye Ordinary

I will recount the steadfast love of the LORD, the praises of the LORD, according to all that the LORD has granted us. Isaiah 63:7

Second Best? November 9, 2011

Filed under: Adoption,Faith,Family,India — Lori @ 12:23 am

Adoption is a beautiful thing.

 

Families are God’s design for raising children.

 

There is pain and loss in adoption.

 

I really do not like that last sentence.  It isn’t that I do not believe that it is true.  I know it is true.  I have three adopted children.  I see their grief and loss.  I am not going to lie, there were times early in the girls’ arrival that I was annoyed that they didn’t understand how much we loved them and how we wanted good for them.  They were still looking back.  It is taking me a long time to understand that.  They still look back.  They will probably always look back in some way.

I have made peace with that.

The girls have asked me what happened to their Indian mom.  How do I explain something to them that I don’t even understand.  I have been given very little information about their relinquishment.  Kalindi’s memories are a bit jumbled.  She told me some things when they first came when she was able to communicate it in English.  It really doesn’t make sense and when I tried to check the story with her orphanage I was told that she was wrong.  They said that all the kids talk about their stories and they get confused about what their story is.  She also said that they watch movies and somehow parts of them end up in their story.  I don’t know if we will ever know the truth.

Kira has no memory of her mother.  She tells me, though, that she pictures her mom in her mind and even dreams about what it would be like to be back in India with her mom.  I am not going to lie, that hurts a little bit.  I do know how much she loves me and I know how much she NEEDS a mom and that is me right now.  She asked me some questions the other night that were basically, “What happened that I am not living with my Indian mom?”

I have no truthful answer for that.  I don’t know the real story.  I can only make guesses.  I always err on the side of giving their parents the benefit of the doubt.   I am sure their mom made the best decision she could for her daughters.

I guess the problem is trying to teach my girls to be content/happy where they are.  I can’t change their past.  This is their reality.  How do I let them know that their past is precious and important and will always be a part of them – and that is good – and yet help them to embrace their life now?

That the girls are working through all these feelings right now is probably very natural and very good for them.  It is a healthy step they need to take in order to make peace with what their life is now.

We had an interesting discussion in school today.  We were talking about Jesus and that Joseph was only Jesus’ guardian, he was not his biological father.  The concept we were learning was that Jesus is fully God and fully man.  Not an easy concept!  The girls asked questions because they weren’t sure they understood what I meant.  Part of their questions were answered by talking about their biological parents in India (and that we are now their parents, but we are not flesh and blood related) and as we were talking Levi said, “I don’t have any parents in India.”  The girls kind of giggled at that, but the truth of it is that Levi was an infant when he was relinquished.  He does not remember having parents.  I don’t think he even knew what he was missing.  I told him that he did have a mom and a dad in India, but that I do not know who they are or anything about them.  They did not give us any information and I am not sure if that is because they don’t want to or they don’t know anything.  I said that I didn’t know why his parents could not take care of him, but that they took him to the nuns because they knew he would be taken care of there and that they would find him a family.  He took all of that in very matter of factly.  I suppose the truth of all that will have to sink in over time.

Tomorrow is Levi’s adoption finalization ceremony at the courthouse.  The judge will officially sign his paperwork making him legally adopted in the U.S.  We had to wait until we had two post placement visits with the social worker before we could file for adoption.  All of the paperwork of the last two or so years is about to come to an end!

Levi enjoying his birthday dinner out.

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2 Responses to “Second Best?”

  1. Kristin Says:

    Oh Lori, I have thought of you many times…though the emails have not flowed!:)

    Your post was so great and it was SO TRUE! You did a great job getting out difficult thoughts in a way that was understandable and is very true even in our own lives. Adoption is beautiful…but it is also messy and painful. It’s an accurate reflection of life…the joy of being adopted into God’s family and the pain and mess that still comes from living as fallen people in a fallen word!

    Praise the Lord for the sweet victory that is in Him…both in our own Christian lives and in our adoptions!

    Kristin

  2. Lori Says:

    Kristin – Thank you so much for your comment! I am glad that it made sense and that you, as another adoptive mom, agreed with it. I really appreciate your desire to keep in touch. I totally know how life gets away from you!!


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