Our home study for our adoption will expire next month. That means that it has been a year since we have completed that document and began work on our dossier. (This also means that it must be updated which involves more paperwork and more fees.) It has been nine months since our dossier arrived in India – well, it is barely in India. It is actually sitting at the U.S. Embassy waiting for a visa photo of Levi that the orphanage needs to provide so that it can proceed to the next step. We have been doing a lot of big, fat waiting and I am really sick of it.
I am to the mad place. Ask me who I am mad at and you won’t get a coherent answer. There really isn’t a “good” answer. I am not sure who to blame. Is it the orphanage’s fault for saying they would support our family to adopt one of their children even though we already have three children in our home and they knew our getting approval was a risk? Is it the orphanage’s lawyer who is at fault because he feels it is best to keep our paperwork in limbo while another case of theirs is decided in the Supreme Court of India because the District Judge threw out their case because they already had three children in their home? Or, is it Kevin’s and my fault for embarking on this somewhat crazy venture in the first place? And, believe me, there are plenty of people who think we are crazy!
Ultimately, this is in God’s hands. So, if I am going to assess blame that is where it lands. I don’t think the Lord has any problem taking the “blame”. He knows the beginning from the end. He knows what is best for me, for Kevin, for Kelsey, for Kalindi and Kira, and for Levi. I believe that with all my heart. His ways are perfect and just – they just don’t always make sense to us.
I wish the Lord would give us a bit of a head’s up on what we should do. How long do we wait? What do we do if the answer is no? I really do not know what we should do. Is all the wait worth it? I know the answer to that is yes!
14The LORD upholds all who are falling
and raises up all who are bowed down.
15The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food in due season.
16You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
17The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
18The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
20The LORD preserves all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
21My mouth will speak the praise of the LORD,
and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.