There is this interesting ebb and flow of emotions when you are in the process of adoption. At the beginning you are so excited as you first envision what it will be like to welcome this new child into your family.
Your excitement is quickly challenged when you are faced with what seems like an
insurmountable mountain of paperwork that you need to gather and/or fill out in order to complete your home study – not to mention your dossier (country paperwork). It is a test of your endurance, let me tell you! I have wondered if they do this partially to see what your commitment is to the process. 🙂
You work so hard for a few months to get the home study and dossier completed and then you submit it and all of a sudden nothing is in your hands anymore. This is an interesting part of the journey. I handed the paperwork over with a feeling of optimism with the girls adoption – our first one. This time I know the problems that can crop up and when I turned my paperwork in there was a mixture of trepidation and cautious optimism.
When I get to that point in the adoption I find that I am at a peak of anticipation to get this child into our family. You hope with all that is in you that things will go smoothly and quickly as the paperwork progresses. A person can dream, right?
I have found that with both of our adoptions I have points in the waiting process where I cannot imagine the finished process. It is hard to continually anticipate the union with your child. I don’t think I am explaining this correctly. There is so much emotion that you pour into the adoption process. It is tiring. Your whole focus cannot just be the adoption you are working on, but also your everyday life and current family. You desire so strongly to have this child to love and include in your family and you plan and prepare – it is intense.
And, in the back of your mind there is this anxiousness. Will the adoption happen? Will there be a hang-up that slows down the process? Will this child turn out to be completely different than I think they will? Can I do this? Will this child fit in with our family?
With all this going on in my heart and mind, the news that things have hit an obstacle in Levi’s adoption is devastating. You are told that it should still happen, you just have no idea if it really will. There is this small part of you that starts to doubt and you begin to grieve that this isn’t going to happen. Quite frankly, it is just plain hard to be on this “high alert” status.
So, I am in this place where I am trying not to lose hope. I am hanging onto what I DO know. I know that the Lord God Almighty is sovereignly in control of all things. I know that I have a Redeemer Who died in my place and because of this I can stand before the throne of God the Father and bring my prayers and petitions to Him. I know that life means more than everything going the way I think it should. I know that God does not bring anything my way that He will not stand with me to get through.
I know that God is eternal and knows the beginning from the end and can see all of this in perfect perspective and focus – unlike me. I know that if God means for Levi to be part of our family it WILL work out and in His timing – which is perfect. I know all these things, but it is still hard to wait and wonder.
So, we appreciate your prayers for us and for Levi. Please pray that the Lord would open the hearts of the sisters at Missionaries of Charity that they will see it would be best for Levi to be in a family and specifically our family. Please also pray for the hearts of those (CARA) who will give us approval before the paperwork goes to court. And then, please also pray for the heart of the judge who will give us guardianship of Levi.
You can also pray for our hearts – that we will accept whatever God’s answer and timing is on all of this.