Our son died on July 31, 2006. It seems like yesterday. It seems like a million years.
I often think about the things I will never see Grant experience. Especially as I watch his peers hit the milestones of life. He was fourteen years and eight months old when he died. He never learned to drive, he never shaved, he never had a girlfriend. He won’t graduate from high school or get married.
It isn’t Grant that will miss those things. It is us missing experiencing them with him. Right now, Grant is celebrating in the presence of the Lord. He is home. We are still here, aching for him. Missing him. Wishing he were here to make us laugh. Wondering what he would be up to and knowing that it would be interesting and unique. Wishing with all our hearts that there would have been some other outcome that day.
I choose – daily – to accept all that God allows or ordains for my life. The good and the bad, the rain and the sun. I know that God works all things for His glory and our good. That doesn’t mean that I don’t wonder a hundred times a week why life has to be so hard and painful. And, really, that is the point. That is the “different perspective”.
I try not to cling to this life and what it has to offer anymore. I try to compare the things this world has to offer with eternity and it doesn’t compete. Here is my heart today:
1How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD of hosts!
2My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.
3Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O LORD of hosts, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise!
5Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
6As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.
7They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.
8O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob!
9 Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed!
10For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
12O LORD of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!