I have had to think quite seriously about my motive for adopting again. Honestly, it is hard to separate all of the emotions about it. Maybe it is not too different from deciding to have biological children if you really think about it.
Why do people decide to have a baby? Many times the reason has everything to do with us – our wants and desires. Some of those desires are God-given – He commanded us to be fruitful and multiply. Sometimes our desire is for someone to love and nurture and lead them into a knowledge of God. But, is the heart motive sometimes to have someone to love and fulfill us?
I have struggled for months with the question of my heart motive in adopting again. And, quite honestly, I cannot say that my motive is completely thinking of another child and the fact that I can have a hand in giving them a different life. The Lord has put a desire into my heart to care about the orphans and to do what I can to bring even just one more into a family. But, there is part of me – that mother’s heart, I guess – that desires another child to love and teach and experience the joy of motherhood with. There is no doubt that being a mom has brought great blessing into my life.
I have a lot of people talk to me about adoption. It is pretty obvious that Kalindi and Kira are adopted. 🙂 I usually have no problem with the curiosity because I am always hoping that the person is interested in adoption and wants to know more about it. I did have a disturbing conversation with a gal when the girls were taking swim lessons. She asked a lot of questions about adoption and then said that she and her husband were considering adoption. When I asked her what had brought her to this decision, she really didn’t have an answer. She had mentioned Russia and I asked her if there was a reason she had chosen this country. Her answer was that her bio kids are all blond haired and blue eyed and she thought that the adopted children would “fit right in”.
Hmmmmmmm. I don’t want to judge her, but I have to wonder if she did manage to adopt – two little boys as was her desire – what would happen when she got these boys home and they didn’t “fit in” quite as easily as she thought they would.
If you think that there will be no issues and no adjustment and, quite frankly, possibly some huge obstacles to overcome when you adopt you are living in a fantasy world.
I have met a couple who, at an older age and never having had biological children, have adopted a sibling group. These kids have issues. No big surprise. However, were the parents prepared for this? Were all the antecdotes from the agency all sweetness and light and success? Did no one prepare them for the issues they might (and probably would) face? Or, did they hear the stories and possible problems, but think that things would be different for them? Are they going to stick it out even though this isn’t turning out the way they hoped it would?
I pray with all my heart that they will. Not just for the children, but for them. God has so much He can teach them through this – so much He can refine in their character. So much that He can show them of Himself. You know, knowing about this situation has been so good for me to think about. I have to leave all outcomes in the Lord’s hands. I have to be willing to trust and obey what the Lord is calling me to do. I have to say that this child will be mine forever and always no matter how hard it might be – because God doesn’t make mistakes. And, I have to believe that if God is calling us to do this, He will provide and equip us to handle it – no matter what! Even though it may be really hard and I may not “think” that I can do it.
A few Sundays ago I cried my way through two of the songs we sang in worship. The first was “Before There Was Time“. This song speaks of the eternally existent God who even before He created the world – knew and ordained all that would happen to me personally and to all people as a whole. Everything that has come into my life has come through His hands and was His will for me. And, not only that! He redeemed me with the perfect sacrifice of Christ – not on any merit of my own.
The other song was “How Deep the Father’s Love for Us” that speaks of what Christ did for us and at what cost. I have links to the song’s lyrics on each title if you want to look them up.
If I consider Christ’s sacrifice and am truly thankful for it, what does that prompt in me? Is there a desire to give myself to Him as a sacrifice – willing to do whatever He asks of me and at any cost?
Revelling in the glory of the Son,
Edited to add: My good friend, Theresa – a three time, three country adoptive mom – wrote this wonderful blog post that fits in so well with my comments. Please go and read it here!