Goodbye Ordinary

I will recount the steadfast love of the LORD, the praises of the LORD, according to all that the LORD has granted us. Isaiah 63:7

Who Am I? December 12, 2008

Filed under: Faith,Family,Grief — Lori @ 8:42 pm

This afternoon during an emotional meltdown (because I was tired, sad, frustrated, tired), I was thinking about the different reactions I have to problems, first comparing myself to Chicken Little, “The sky is falling!”  At other times I can be the little Dutch boy frantically running around trying to plug up the hundred holes in the failing dam with pieces of chewing gum – okay, that is MY version of the little Dutch boy. 🙂  I am also very good at being Scarlett O’Hara, “I’m not going to worry about that today.  I will think about that tomorrow!”  Which, by the way, is not faith, it is denial.

All of these methods are pretty much alike.  None of them work well in dealing with my problems.  Can you imagine why?  First of all, nothing is accomplished with any of them except to possibly bring down everyone else close to you in your panic or denial.  Secondly, they are all based in my thinking that I am handling everything on my own.  In which case, I am in BIG trouble.

Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Before you get all worried about me – the two of you who read my blog! – I am basically okay.  But, I am weak and vulnerable many times.  Just because I have already had two Christmases without Grant does not mean that I am not missing him and wishing he were here.  I think about him all the time.  I wish he were here all the time.  I am sometimes envious of  mothers and their sons remembering the special bond that Grant and I had.  I miss his enthusiasm and how he could unselfconsciously laugh out loud at something he thought was funny.  Or how he could make even mundane activities seem exciting.  From the time his playmates could talk they would enthusiastically call out his name when he arrived at the church nursery or anyplace else.  (Think Norm in “Cheers”)  I remember how he watched out for me, helped me, and wanted to explain his latest conquest in a game and I took for granted that I would always have that.  Sometimes I am angry with God for taking that away from me.  It is just the truth.  Sometimes I am very weak.

2 Corinthians 12:9,10  But he said to me,  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul says that he is glad that he has weaknesses because it gives Christ an opportunity to show His power.  And here I was worrying that my failures were a bad thing.  I should actually be glad that I am giving Christ so many opportunities to show His power!  That is an interesting way of looking at it. 🙂  When I am weak, when I am the least capable of taking care of things, that is when I am the most strong because I finally see that I cannot take care of things myself.  I let go and with faith let God and His power take care of it.  Why does it take so much for us to get to that place?

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2 Responses to “Who Am I?”

  1. Theresa Says:

    Lori,
    Your post is so honest and I appreciate that. I love to hear about the memories you have of your sweet son. I wish I could have met him. So many days I feel so completely inadequate…like today. It helps to see how you are reaching out to the only one who can really make this whole thing work! But never the less…there are just times when it is simply hard.
    Your friend,
    Theresa

  2. Julee Says:

    I lost a daughter at Christmas20 years ago. I realized this year how fully I felt recovered from her death…our precious Jonathan age 2 1/2 died last April after a bone marrow transplant. Holidays are so hard aren’t they? Your post on grirf was a good one. God is always good and I feel almost always weak.
    Many blessings! (I found out about you from Lisa B blog post)

    Julee


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